This aricle has been brewing for some time and may have been touched on before. I remember some time ago I gave my ten cents with regards to phone calls that come in from Private Numbers – you can read about those here and here. the majority of you agreed.

Today’s discussion (the comments section is all yours) has to do with phone calls vs SMS – particularly on weekends. A concept which will more than likely be covered in my book.

I don’t like talking on the phone and, believe it or not, neither do a lot of people. Personally, I’m either writing (stories/emails/sms’s, with music on in the background) or eating or hanging with friends or chilling out or attending an event or making love to a beautiful woman. I’m hardly ever doing anything else. Now why would I want to interrupt any of those things by talking on the phone? Doing nothing (chilling) is an actual activity these days. It is one of the joys of living the holiday. If you’re phoning me every time I’m chilling, then I’m not chilling – I’m talking to you.

And if you find out I’m doing “nothing” on the beach or at home, why does this mean that I must welcome a phone call from you? Then I won’t be doing “nothing” anymore. Or maybe I am fine with a chat on the phone – but at least give me the option?

1 – Change your message, Live the holiday

Before I get into that, I want to support this argument by highlighting the fact and congratulating those who have changed their voicemail message on their cellphones to announce that the caller would be better off sending a sms than leaving a message (as per my previous tips for a better life). My one buddy has gone even further, proclaiming, “Hi, sorry I couldn’t answer your call. Please send me an sms and let me know what’s up. But please, don’t leave a voice message because it has been turned off and I won’t get it, thanks.”

He’s probably telling a fib about the voicemail being completely disabled but that’s besides the point – the person at the other end has no option but to sms. Personally, I have a message that encourages people to sms or email. That way I can’t forget to get back to them.

This culture and system suits both the very busy and those who are trying to live the holiday. Whichever one it is, it really is their perogative.

2 – Go on, send a SMS!

So tell me, what is so difficult about sending an sms? A lot of people respond to that question with, “oh it didn’t suit me.” So then why exactly did you assume it suited me?

Unless you have large amounts of money to give me or your house is burning down or you have an urgent answer or message I’m expecting that pertains to something I/we are doing or about to do or you are coming for a pre-planned braai and you’re on the road, lost, looking for urgent directions – what is so hard about typing a few words down? Or if you really cannot put it into written words, how about sending a text asking the question, “Can you chat?”

Why can’t you do that? And please don’t tell me you don’t know how or your phone has a bad sms system. In a very nice way, that has absolutely nothing to do with me. Just as people stopped arriving at each others houses uninvited, following the invention of the telephone, so too should things change with the advent of text messaging.

Convenient, quiet, polite

Even better are the people who call back after I sms a question. If I sms you a question, I clearly can’t talk! There is absolutely no need to switch to guns. Or, more than likely, I am not expecting the answer right now. That is the nature of sms – I have time. I will wait until the reply suits and is convenient for you. If I need the answer fairly swiftly, I trust that you will have the intelligence to gauge this and respond timeously – if possible. If you are quick to get back to me, I’ll probably ensure you get the same treatment from me.

3 – Don’t worry, I’ll leave a message!

Voicemail on cellphones came along before text messages. We were used to voicemail because, before cellphones, we had answering machines at home. Why did people get answer machines at home? I’ll tell you why – because they didn’t have cellphones and they didn’t have text messaging. They checked their answering machines to see who called them while they were out. And then what did they start doing with the answer machines? Exactly – they began screening calls. The randomness became too much for them. Which is exactly why we don’t answer private numbers.

And so cellphones were invented and they came with voicemail. Very handy. But then came text messages, which, instead of being used as a progressive solution, is seen as an alternate exception. Why would you not want to move forward? Society is changing, my friends – deal with it!

Some of you will bore me argue that I don’t have to answer the phone and that you’re more than happy to leave a message. Tell me something, have you ever had a day, or two days in a row where you have had back-to-back appointments / events / functions and, with each voice message that comes in, the buildup in the message box becomes so big that, even if you find time to check them, it will now take too long to deal with?

Haven’t you?

Oh.

Well, know this – others do!

If I’m (for want of a scenario) having lunch with my mother and some strange number phones, or even a number that happens to be in my phone book, I’m not going to answer the phone – I’m with my mother, that’s what I’m doing. Then, if that person leaves a voicemail message, I’m not going to check it right away and will probably forget to do so after the lunch anyway. That message will be number 15 in the message box which I haven’t found a moment to check anyway and to sit down and listen to all of those may well kill me.

But if that person sent me an sms – I could then glance at it and gauge if the person needs a prompt response from me, or if it could wait until after lunch. I could even reply during a toilet break!

Is this starting to make ANY sense to you?

4 – Meetings and Emails

While we’re having this chat, what is it with people who want to tell you about an idea or something and start pushing for a meeting? Especially when it is something that can be perfectly laid out and communicated via email? I can’t do a meeting, but I wouldn’t mind hearing more about your idea. Can you email me all the info, with pics etc?

But then, when I ask you to email me, I get this silence – as though I’m tossing you aside with no hope of follow-through. Let me tell you one thing – there has never been a better hope of follow-through than via email or text. Would you rather I wrote your number down on a napkin and found a paper diary to fumble through and then phone you back with an appointment that doesn’t suit you?

Grow up man – it’s virtually 2010 – we have sms/emails and calenders – let’s work it that way. Let’s email and then, if things warm up and a meeting is necessary, then we can agree on a date and time and synchronise calendars. All without one phone call!

5 – Weekend Phone Calls

Which brings me to weekend phone-calls.. Why, dear Lord, are people still indulging in this bizarre practice? How is it that you are so convinced that this particular moment, which CLEARLY suits you to make a phone call, suits me as well? Who exactly do you think you are calling me or anyone on the weekend? How can you be so sure that I’m not trying to use this time to catch up with The Muse, who I haven’t had a moment with for the last week or two? How can you be so sure that I’m not in the middle of a shopping trip with my mother, or trying to drift away on the beach, or carry bags to my car, or ANYTHING for that matter? Who the fuck do you actually think you are?

And, if you MUST have a loose chat on the weekend, bang out an sms and I’ll reply when I get a moment. It might be right now – or it might be later. It might even be when I’m on the loo – who knows? Point is, it’s the weekend, bru – don’t be rude.

Personally, I feel this rule should apply to the week – not only the weekend. But, to coin a phrase I made up many years ago when living in Italy, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

And you know what the beauty of this argument is? The entire premise behind it is to do with general good manners and considerateness. That’s all. No-one is trying to be cool or show off or claim that they are too busy and that is why they want it like this. No-no, that’s because it is what it is – good manners and considerateness. Do you GET that?

6 – Some Basics to Get You Started

“Have you got John’s number?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Are you going to that thing tonight?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“What is the dress code?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Can you recommend a restaurant?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“What time are you going?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Have you seen my sunglasses?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Is Mark back in Cape Town?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Are you keen for lunch?” That’s a SMS, not a phone call.

“Please give me a call, I need to pick your brain.” No. without any hint as to what the topic is, I will NOT be calling you back. Too many times have I called someone so they can “pick my brain” and they have abused my politeness and cornered me and annoyed me. Or they require information that I could have gathered BEFORE calling them back. Or, better yet, something that can be sms’d or emailed.

Times have changed – let’s help each other live the holiday.